< Back

The Appendage Police

The appendage police came the other day and threatened to confiscate my hands.

They said I was writing subversive songs and anti-status-quo articles and screw-the-system poetry. They told me to straighten up and fly right 'cause after all, they knew what was good for me and how would I like to go around with no hands to write or eat or touch with?

Later the brain police arrived and told me to stop having subversive, anti-status-quo, screw-the-system thoughts. They offered me an all expense paid surgical procedure that would help me fit in with the rest of their designer world.

"Just wait," they said, "If you don't come around, you'll be sorry ... We can adjust those little gray cells of yours and you'll be just fine."

After that, the emotion police showed up and suggested (very strongly) that I stop caring about war and poverty and spirituality and making the world a better place. They implored me to work hard and make more money. Then they told me to stop hurting so much for what could be and accept the world for what it is. They said they had these chemicals I could take that would make me happy — all the time.

When the sex police pulled up, I slipped out a window, jumped on my bike and left town...